Being the second best..

    It's hard. There will come a time when you just want to lock yourself inside your room sitting in that corner thinking why aren't you good enough. You've done it all with the best you could but you still ended up the second best. This isn't purely about achievements but rather some other things we refused to recognize. It's when the your presence in non-existent. Everyone fails to recognize your existence. It's when you exist however they still look for another person's company. It feels so insulting but that outcast, i-don't-need-you is dominating and it consumes every inch of you and you ended up feeling, worthless because you're just the second best and everyone prefers the best.

     Tough discussions, long quizzes and term examinations. I have been too occupied with plenty of school stuffs. Sleepless nights, which ended up to me sleeping during class hours instead. I've been facing a great pressure and sometimes, I just can't deal with it. It tough, very tough. But, on the happy note, 3 more semesters and I'm off. I just think about it from time to time to motivate myself when times get rough and I feel like giving up. A year and a more and then that's it! :)

     Enough for that, I also celebrated my 20th birthday last 14th of July. It was just a simple celebration which I celebrated with my family and of course, my lovey. Although I celebrated my day with high fever and tonsillitis, I still had a blast. He sees to it that I am happy on my birthday and I highly appreciate his efforts. Wasn't able to take good pictures as well because I hated my face, that sick face. :/

     And lastly, I was finally able to finish the video I made for him on his birthday. I mean not really good with stuffs like that. I just really gave it a try and I am satisfied with the outcome. :)

     I'd love to share more but this is already long, next time, maybe. ☺

July 1, 2012 - We meet again, July ♥

     So yeah, July's kicking off and I can smell celebrations, a lot of it to look forward to. Mom and Dad are already planning for my day. I am not thrilled about it though but it made me happy to know that they're planning something for me on that day. On the other note, on 25th is his birthday, that I am really hippy about and quite anxious on what to give him or how to surprise him. Any suggestions you got there? ☺

June 29, 2012

     Since we are both busy with school stuffs, we decided to set a time when we can have quality time for each other, catching up and have dinner together. We agreed to have it on fridays because we don't have to worry about time and other stuffs. We had our dinner at our favorite fast food, bought some school stuffs and talk about how our day was. Went home past 9 o'clock and really enjoyed our day. It was great still having quality time for each other despite our hectic schedule. Feels like we're newly grown lovers. ☺

     And since we both have no loads, I didn't expect him to greet me goodnight but, look! I never saw it coming. He texted this around 11:15 in the evening and was able to read it late. I highly appreciate the effort he did. 

June 28, 2012 - God is good, all the time.

     No words can exactly describe how thankful I am today. His mercy works on me, again. It may sound like it's no big deal but for it is. I arrived at the university 45mins earlier from my class and went straight ahead to the library. I browsed for books I could borrow while waiting for the bell to kick off my class. Later did I realized it was already 10 minutes past 10. Hurriedly, I went to my classroom. "Thank God, I'm not yet late." Then I suddenly remembered I am assigned to give the "nugget of the day" as they call it. That's a quote or passage from the bible to inspire everyone and I wasn't able to prepare for it. Bad vibes, right? I browsed through twitter to look for a good quote when our instructor arrived. This day isn't going to be good, I thought. But what rings a bell into my ear is that our exam is postponed and we are free to go. ☺

     And I'm back to the world of blogging. It's been a while from being on hiatus. A lot of things happened. Internet connection's down for over a week just in time classes have started. Asking about how was the first two weeks of class? The first week of classes was all about chillin' and catching up with friends. Meanwhile, the pressure is on during the second week and I believe it would be until the last day of the semester. I never thought having only 12 units for semester would still be hell. Quizzes and oral recitations will be my bestfriend this semester, I guess. Oh well, we must learn and sometimes we have to learn the hard way. Anyway here are glimpse of what happened during the month.

First day.

And the rest of the month.

May 31, 2012 - Goodbye May, Hellooo June! ☺

    The cold weather woke me up. It's already June tomorrow and it's officially rainy season. It's been raining the whole week and I'm loving it. Cold weather is cuddle weather. Unfortunately, lovey's too busy to visit me this week so I'm left with no choice but to hug my teddy instead. 

  
     It was raining hard during the afternoon and so I decided to freshen up and made myself a hot chocolate right after while watching television. I believe hot chocolate is always perfect for this cuddly weather. Later on I got bored and so I decided to take more photos of myself because I love myself. ;)

Also took photo of my precious bunny. :)

0010. I salute the person who stays with me no matter how hard it is to be with me.

Dear Boyfriend,

     Whenever I feel like I can’t handle something on my own, I know I can come to you. You’re one of the few people in my life who I know won’t ever fail me. Thank you so much for always being by my side. I love you so much.

    If there's one thing I can hardly do to the person I love, that would be letting him go. Basically, it's not the act of letting go that really hurts but everything that happens after that. Those never ending flashbacks of good, old, happy memories you once had with them. The terrible feeling you get when you do something that you are both fond of or visit a place you both frequently spend most of the time. It's when you are fighting the urge to text him and tell him how much you miss him and how you still love them so dearly. It's the moment when you wake up the next day and realize how much your life has changed just because he isn't there anymore. The moment you realize that the person you love with all of your heart is now gone and isn't coming back anymore. Those nights when you just cry yourself to sleep. And you know what hurts the most? That heartbreaking moment when you found out that you are no longer who you once was to him, that he is now in love with someone new. You are no longer the reason for the smile in his face. Your hand is no longer the one that fits perfectly his. His arms are all wrapped up to her and his lips is hers to kiss. And what's even worse? She owns your whole world now and you are left alone, still devastated.

0009. That in every relationship, love may never be enough. Commitment and faithfulness must come along with it.

      One good thing about having a big fight with the one you love is the making up that comes after the argument. Those never ending sorrys and iloveyous. Those i-dont-wanna-let-you-go kind of hugs and millions of kisses all over your face. And then comes the reassurance to each other that no matter what happens, how big the fight may be or how hard the situation you are both in, you are not quitting the fight and will never ever give up. You will both realize that losing each other is worse than any argument. And in the end, the fight will be all worth it because it made your relationship stronger and better.

'Baby gimingaw ko nimo. Nikaon ko ron sa siomayan niya di tika kuyog.'

This is so sweet. :"> Simple it may be but for me it isn't most especially now that we came from an argument. He also seldom admits that he misses me when he do. Sweetest creature. ☺

My lovely bunny. ☺

0008. Sometimes, you just have to leave all the shits behind and move on.

Fell in love with the moon tonight. ღ

May 23, 2012 - Enrollment Day.

     Around 5:00 in the morning, I left the house. Today's our enrollment day and just so you know, there was not a time that it will never be a pain in the ass. My friend and I arrived at the university at exactly 5:30am. Hurriedly we ran up to the 3rd floor and to our shock, the line was longer than expected. Good thing priority numbers were given. I was 51st on the list. Patiently I waited until giving of enrollment forms started. We processed our form as fast as we could hoping we can plot a good schedule. However, shit happens. I am enrolled for only 12 units and what adds up to my frustration is a 3 and a half hour break and the fact that my 12 units is composed of major subjects: Law, Tax and Acctg 5 and 12. I knew it from the very start that this semester's gonna be tough. :(

J: Manglipstick ko ha?
M: Panglipstick dira, fashion mana ninyo. Basta di lang parehas anang uban nga murag borikat.

Everytime we pass through a girl who wears make up like 3 inches thick, he would usually comment. He dislike it and when I occasionally put on make up in my face, he would also comment though it was just a light one. I don't mind though because I'm not really a fan of make up. :)

I just wanna be on the beach. ☺

You'll never be old and wise if you were never young and crazy.

J: What if baby ba, no commu for 1 year niya di sad ta magkita. Murag buwag pero dili jud. Mangita kag lain?
M: Di ko mangitag lain oyy.
J: :">
M: Di ko mangitag lain kay sila raman muduol nako tanan. Mamili rako.
J: Fuckyouuuuuuuuuu!

Kid's Day

     My dad usually organizes games for the kids during fiesta. They get hippy and excited about it. They tend to knock on our door early morning to wake us up, I mean, my dad and brother to kick off the games in the early hours. For this year, however is different. Heavy rain woke us up, my brother was quite saddened in a thought that the games might not be pushed through. It's getting late and the rain seemed unstoppable. Good thing, it still did stop around 9am. And the games began. Had only few photos taken though. :(

And since it's mother's day, here's a race for them especially. :)

Ooops, seems like one is showing off her swimming skills.

Sack race. :)

That's my brother with my two lil cousins after their race.

And here's the noisy baby. That's what we usually call her. She has a very powerful voice, it'll destroy your eardrums. 

Our happy baby, happy says it all. :)

Egg catching, kids edition.

Here's for the parents.

And this. :)

Children's Party lang ang peg! 

And welcome to our place. :)

     T'was hell of a fun day. The games lasted for the whole day. Their was also a basketball competition for homosexual. Fun filled day, indeed. ☺

You have just been warned.

     It will never be easy being with me, never. Insecurities and fears are taking over me most of the time and it seems like I always have to live through each of your fvcking expectations. And to be honest, I just can't. I can't. I fall from time to time and I can do nothing about it. Human as we are we make mistakes. But with every mistake is another lesson learned to help us get through this fvkcing life. Guess what, I am not the person you thought I am. I get insecure when really, I should not. I feel fat and ugly. I don't have that flawless white skin and my hair doesn't always go in place. I am not that strong enough. I'm scared of almost everything. I'm scared of vomiting. I can't walk pass through a bridge, I'm too scared I might fall. I have my own set of limitations. I have frequent arguments with my bestfriend and boyfriend because I am too jealous. I can't give my parents a 1.0 grade and can only seldom place my name on Dean's Lister. I can't handle too much emotion because every now and then I will be suffering from a severe asthma attack. And so I just let things be. I'm not perfect but that does not give you the right to judge my imperfections. I eat when I'm bored. I'll scream at you when I get mad. I get jealous when I catch you happy with someone else. I'm having a hard time maintaining my grades. I burst into tears when I can't stay strong for myself. I'm a frustrated singer and dance like a cockroach. I can't function well without my other half. I have loads of imperfections and issues I wouldn't be surprise if everyone would leave me. And for those who stayed, thank you! I salute you for staying with me no matter how hard it is being with me. ☺

Forever ∞

     Forever is an old-fashioned melodrama set in the ‘50s. This play is about love, maturity, and self-sacrifice. It is also about closure and healing, listening and accepting. It is a play about people who realize that letting go is more sublime than holding on.

     The story revolves around Maria Teresa and Ernesto. They have that kind of love everyone would want to have. However, every relationship will always be tested. Ernesto abandoned  Maria Teresa with Erenesting, their son, over a year old for another woman. Eight years after, he came home to revisit Maria Teresa to ask for forgiveness and another chance as well as to give justice to what really happened eight years ago but for Maria Teresa, it's too late. Too late for another chance, forgiveness maybe, but for another chance for them to be husband and wife, not anymore. For her, it was over and everything was left in the past, buried. After eight years of loneliness and tears, humiliation and heartbreak, she just couldn't take Ernesto back. And so they parted ways, for good, forever. :(

Again, photos grabbed from Little Boy Productions

     I admit, that wasn't the kind of end I expected. I even argued with him telling him that they'll end up together, forever. But instead, they had that sad, tragic end. Oh how I wish Maria Teresa gave him a chance and accepted him but she didn't. I may not understand the reason why but what I understand is that she was hurt. Her heart's busted, broken and torn apart into tiny pieces. One thing I learned about this play is that, sometimes there will be no more second chances. All you have is now, so make the most out of it. Spend every time you have with the one you love and cherish every moment you share so when by the time you have to let go of one another, you're left with no regrets. The play also points out that letting go is more sublime than holding on especially when there's nothing left to hold on to. That in every relationship, love may never be enough. Commitment and faithfulness must come along with it. Committed and faithful heart may be shaken but it will never fall and be blinded by temptations. ☺

0007. I have always been the first one to reach out. This time, it will be different.

New Yorker in Tondo ☻

     This is a typical tale on how one is greatly influenced by the Western world that brought changes to someone through its ways, mannerism and even its attitude that made one a stranger to its native land. The story is mainly about a woman named Kikay who by fortune, was able to live in New York for almost a year. When Kikay returned to his native land in Tondo, she's already a transformed woman and everyone was greatly surprised. She isn't the way she used to be. She now has unmistakably American mannerism and attitude. Confrontations were made when her friends Nena, Totoy and Tony came to visit her. They dislike how greatly Kikay has changed. When Nena and Tony's engagement was revealed, Franchesca was gnashing her teeth out of anger and broke down. The feelings she thought that were faded suddenly made her realize that they were really not. She was just blinded by the fortune and the life she had at New York. Sooner, Kikay then recognized that she still love Tony and she wanted him back badly. However, Tony refused. She was no longer her childhood sweetheart Kikay, but Franchesca, the Americanized woman who revisits Tondo. Kikay humbled herself and explained everything to Tony. Shortly, Tony accepted her back not as Franchesca but as Kikay. And just like any other tale, they lived happily ever after by Kikay getting Tony while Nena ended up with Totoy. ♥


Photos taken during the play in chronological order. ☻
Grabbed from Little Boy Production

     And asking about what's best about this play? It's love, family and friendship. That despite the money and status, you can still be happy. There's nothing more happier than having a real friend, family's unconditional love and above all, faithful and loving companion for the years ahead. ☺

0006. People should stop being so goddamn judgemental!

A picture of your favorite memory

Every moment spent with him and every memories we've shared will forever be my favorite. ☺

More fun, Less pictures. :)

     I never thought our day would end up so great,  never saw that one coming. From a tiny argument we had the night before that, I immediately texted him to greet him a Happy Monthsary with a short message. Had a silly conversation and then got this message from him.

     We decided to meet up at 10am at the terminal. Headed to Sto. Niño for thanksgiving and lit up 12 candles. Next stop was at CAP, that's located in Jones. Had our lunch at Jollibee, that's exactly across CAP. Immediately after eating, we went to CAP. It was sizzling hot. We were lining up to get inside the theatre. There, try looking for us. 

     Few minutes after one, the play started.

     And that's our tickets. We witnessed two plays:


Forever

                 

New Yorker In Tondo

     

     It was an amazing play with two superb stories. The characters played their parts very well. It was really magnificent. We went to SM afterwards to have our meriendas then to our house. He went home almost 11 in the evening. We've been together for 12 hours on the 12th Day of May. Our 50th month was a blast. He just never fails to make me happy. ♥

P.S. Photos from the play are grabbed from Little Boy Prods ☻